Finale: I Thought I Knew How Much I Loved You

Once again, the previous chapter doesn't show up when you go to older posts. So if you haven't seen chapter nineteen, follow this link.

Soon after Scarlett was born dad had called us to let us know we had a baby sister and said we needed to get to the hospital. I could tell by the sound in his voice that something wasn’t quite right but I didn’t mention it to Bridge or Jeff.  We all pilled in the truck Mom and Dad had given me for my sixteenth birthday and I drove us to the hospital.  When we entered the room, I noticed that Mom wasn’t in there.

“Oh my gosh! She’s so adorable!” Bridgette cooed over the baby.

“What’s her name?” Jeff asked.

“It’s Scarlett, Scarlett Amanda.” Dad sounded stressed and tired.

“Dad…where’s Mom?” I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know the answer but something was obviously not right since Mom wasn’t in the room.

“I think you all better sit down.” We sat down and waited for him to tell us what was going on. “Soon after Scarlett was born, your mom had some complications and they took her into surgery. That’s all I know right now. I thought about waiting to tell you about it after I was told something but I thought it was better to just tell you. “

“Is she going to be okay?” Bridgette asked before I was able to.

“I honestly don’t know Bridge. She…” He started to cry and we all got up and hugged each other.  We stood like that for a while until Dad started talking again.

“Thanks guys. You all should go home and try to rest. I’ll let you know when I find out something.”

“If you think we’re going home, you’re crazy.” Jeff told him.

“I don’t think they’ll let all of us stay in this room though, there’s a limit.”

“Well, then we’ll take turns and whoever isn’t in here can sit in the waiting room.”

***

I took the first turn in the room with Dad. It was so sad seeing him waiting for any word on Mom. I was scared too but instead of thinking about that, I centered all my attention on being there for him and watching my new baby sister. 

It was funny, even though Bridge was technically older than me, I still thought of her as my baby sister. I was always trying to look after her and now I had a new sister to look after. I was holding one of Scarlett’s little hands when the door opened. Dad jumped out of the chair and I turned quickly expecting to see the doctor. Instead it was Bridge.

“Hey Charlie, why don’t you take a break and go get yourself something to eat or drink. Some people have showed up in the waiting room so you might want to go there too.”

I asked Dad if he wanted anything and he shook his head no. I couldn’t blame him. I really didn’t feel like it either so I decided to instead go to the waiting room. I walked in and saw several people sitting with Jeff. Carson, one of Bridge’s  best friends was there.

I wasn’t really surprised by that. I had always thought since the beginning of high school that he had a crush on her. She kind of seemed oblivious about it though.

I then saw Star sitting next to Jeff with her arm around him.

Star and Jeff had a complicated relationship too. They were a lot like Bridge, Kate and I that they grew up together.  From those of us on the outside of the relationship, it was obvious that they cared for each other deeply but they assured everyone that they were just friends.  It was then that I noticed someone walking towards me out of the corner of my eye. It was Kate and she had a sad expression.

“I’m so sorry Charlie. Is there any news about your mom?”

“No, we thought Bridge might be the doctor coming in to talk to us.  I want to know but at the same time I don’t. What if it’s bad?” She reached out and grabbed my hand.

“I can only imagine how hard this is. I wish I could do something to make this go away. Seeing all of you, especially you and Bridge having to go through this is heartbreaking.”

I normally would have been shocked by Kate holding my hand but figured it was all because of what was happening. Sure we’d hugged a couple of times through the years, but nothing really more than that. Unlike my siblings and their friends, Kate and I knew how we felt about each other. We were strictly just really good friends. There wasn’t anything we couldn’t talk about with each other.  I did have to admit though that I didn’t really mind her holding my hand…

***

As I walked back into the waiting room I saw Chuck standing near a wall and he and Kate were holding hands.

I wondered to myself what that was all about. It couldn’t have been anything though since they were nothing more than friends. 

Jeff was still sitting on the couch with Star; why the two of them weren’t dating was beyond me.

They obviously liked each other so why avoid the inevitable. As I walked further in the room everyone came up to me wanting to know what the latest news was.

“Dad sent me out to let everyone know that there still wasn’t any news. I think he also wanted a moment alone. I did notice as I was walking down the hallway that a woman doctor was walking down towards the door and I watched her walk into the room so maybe that was Mom’s doctor.”

We all just stood there for a minute, none of us knowing what to say. Carson put his arm around my shoulders and gave me a squeeze.

I noticed Charlie smirk and I looked at him and Kate holding hands  and gave him “So what?” look that I knew he would understand.

He blushed and turned away.  I didn’t know what I felt for Carson anymore. We had met during our freshman year and we just clicked. We were instantly close friends. Then some time during our Junior year I started getting the feeling that he might have different feelings for me. So far we hadn’t really talked about it and whenever I thought he might be approaching the subject, I would change it quickly. I liked things the way they were.

***

As we stood there waiting for some kind of news I was so grateful that Star was there with me. 

Everyone always talked about how they wanted us to be together and I knew it made Star uncomfortable. She only saw me as a friend; she was way more interested  in Colby, the star of the freshman football team.  I always acted like I thought the same way as her about being just friends but secretly, I had feelings for her.

I noticed Dad walk through the door and felt a knot in my stomach. This was it; this was the moment that we had all waited for and also dreaded.

“Hey Dad, was that the doctor that came into the room?” I asked him.  Everyone turned around to look at him.

His head was down and I just knew it was bad. He lifted his head and looked around at all of us with tears in his eyes. “She’s okay. They’re still a little worried about her but she’s made it out of surgery.”

We all started hugging and celebrating. After a minute I noticed that although Dad looked relieved, something still didn’t seem right. I walked over to him and quietly talked to him.

“Hey Dad, are you okay?”

“Yeah, Jeff. I just really thought I was going to lose her. It’s okay now though. I’m going to go back and wait for them to bring her back into the room. They said they would after she spends some time in recovery.”

***

As I had woke up from my surgery I saw Chuck sitting beside my hospital bed holding Scarlett. He was looking down at her, talking to her. It was so sweet to see.  While I watched them I realized how tired he looked.  I tried to talk but my mouth was so dry nothing would come out. 

He looked up at me and smiled. He stood up and walked over to the bed and turned so I could see our daughter. I smiled and motioned towards a cup to let him know I was thirsty. After placing her in the bassinet, he gave me some water.

“She’s beautiful.” I said with a raspy voice.

“Just like her mom.” he smiled and sat on the bed next to me.

“What happened? I remember her being born and you walking over to see her and that’s it.”

“You were losing too much blood after she was born and they had to take you into surgery. They eventually stopped it but…we won’t be able to have any more children.”

“How bad was it?” He didn’t even have to answer me; the look on his face told me all I needed to know. That must be why he looks so tired; he’s been so worried for me.

“Chuck…”

“Shh,” he tucked my hair behind my ear, “You need to rest. It’s all okay now.”

The doctor came in then and explained to me what had happened. As she was talking, I looked over at Chuck and he was sitting in a chair with his head down.  He had a pained expression on his face, almost as if he was living through the moment again. 

Once the doctor was finished I thanked her and looked again at Chuck. He looked up and I held my hand out to him. He walked over and sat down on the bed again.

 “I’m so sorry you’ve been so worried.  I feel bad that I didn’t listen to you when you told me how you were scared about things.”

“Sweetheart, there’s nothing either of us could do about it. It doesn’t matter anymore, you’re safe and we have a beautiful daughter.”

“Sweetheart, be careful walking up the stairs.”

I had stayed in the hospital for a week which was hard since Scarlett had already been home for five days. I had told Chuck to not worry about me and just stay with her at home but he had insisted on visiting me every day and showing me pictures of her and the kids holding her.

We were now returning home and I was excited to see everyone and to be in my own home. Chuck was paying special attention to me and every time I did anything, he was hovering around me making sure I was okay and not overdoing it. As I walked into the family room I almost cried at the sight I saw.  Charlie, Bridgette and Jeff were standing there and Charlie was holding Scarlett.

“Welcome home Mom!”  The three of them said together.

“This is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen! You all are going to make me cry!”

Chuck walked past me and motioned for Charlie to hand over Scarlett. “Thanks kiddos! Now your mom needs to rest so I’m going to go upstairs with her and get her settled.”

“Fine, we’re all so happy you’re home mom.” Bridgette walked over and gave me a hug. Charlie and Jeff followed and then I made the slow walk up the stairs.

I decided to sit down for a while in the nursery. I sat down in the rocking chair and Chuck handed me Scarlett.  I rocked with her for a while looking down at her and taking in her features.  I hadn’t had the chance to really do that in the hospital since most of the time we were there together, I was still very weak. 

I all of a sudden became aware that Chuck had never left the room. He was standing right in front of me and when I looked up at him, I noticed he had tears in his eyes. I tried to stand up while holding Scarlett but he quickly grabbed her and placed her in her crib.  I stood up and he scolded me.

“You really shouldn’t be standing. You need to rest.”  I noticed once again how tired he looked and if I didn’t know any better, he looked a little older after this whole ordeal.

“I’ll be fine for a minute or two. Plus the doctor said some movement was good.” He looked down at the ground and I reached up to tilt his chin up.

“Chuck, you can talk to me about it. I’m not going to get upset.”

He pulled me towards him and hugged me hard. “I thought I was going to lose you.” He cried. “I watched them wheel you down the hallway and into the surgery room and at that point I had no idea what was going to happen.  I had been having nightmares for over a month before that that you would go into labor and once the baby was born, they would take you into surgery. It was like my nightmare had become real.”

“Why didn’t you tell me about your bad dreams?”

“Because I didn’t want you to worry.  You needed me to be strong and the last thing I wanted to do was cause you more stress.” He reached up and touched my cheek. “I figured it was only a dream anyway so it wasn’t worth mentioning.”

“From now on, tell me when something is bothering you or you’re upset.  I know I got upset early on when I was pregnant with Scarlett about you being scared and I’m sorry for that. But you holding it in isn’t going to do you or me any good. Even if you don’t tell me what’s wrong, I still know it. I sensed something was wrong before she was born and I was worried about you. Even now, I can tell by looking at you that all that stress you built up has taken a toll on you. I don’t want you to do that again. Next time just please talk to me.” I kissed him and he again squeezed me.

“I really thought before this that I knew how much I loved you. I had no idea. I really truly believe I could not go on in this world without you. I don’t ever want to take for granted what we have together.”

“I love you my country cowboy.”

“I love you too my beautiful city girl.”