Chapter Nineteen: My Nightmare

Warning: This chapter has several birth scene pictures so just for precautionary measures, I'm giving it a PG-13 rating.


I sat up in bed sweating and breathing heavily. It had been this way every night for the last month. No matter how hard I tried or wanted to, I couldn’t escape from having the same dream.  Amanda was eight months pregnant now and everything was going well with the pregnancy. So far she hadn’t needed to go on bed rest and as of her last doctor’s visit, everything still looked good for her going full term. Why I was having this dream over and over again made no sense to me.

In my dream, Amanda and I would be in the barn putting the horses in their stalls when all of a sudden she would go into labor.

 We would rush to the hospital and get situated in a room. Everything would be going fine; her labor progressing, everyone seemed relaxed and the babies heart rate sounded good. Every once in a while the nurse would come in and see how everything was and tell us that everything looked good. Finally the time for Amanda to push would come and soon after our baby was born. Then the dream would take a turn for the worse. Before finding out if the baby was a boy or girl, the doctor would start ordering nurses to get the IV stands and prepare to move Amanda. I would look down at Amanda and see that her face was as white as a ghost.

Before I could even ask a question, they were wheeling her down the hallway and I was chasing after them, begging them to tell me what was happening.

They would never answer me they just kept running down the hallway. They would come to a door on the left side of the hallway and would push Amanda through them and tell me that I couldn’t enter.

I was left in the hallway staring at the doors not knowing what was going on and what was happening with Amanda.

I would start to have overwhelming feelings of desperation, anxiety, and dread. That’s when I would wake up sweating and out of breath.

Once I had the dream, I never was able to go back to sleep.  Sometimes I would sit up in bed and watch her sleep. Other nights I would sit in a chair and think while watching the fire. I even tried going downstairs to watch TV.  No matter what, I always made sure that by the time she was waking up I was in bed looking like I had been asleep. I never wanted her to know that I was having these dreams or that I was worried.  She had enough stress without worrying about me having these dreams and I wasn’t sure how she’d react especially after what had happened when she told me she was pregnant.

I spent the rest of the night trying not to think about the dream and instead thinking about the baby.  We had once again decided to be surprised and not find out if we were having a boy or girl.  We did find out that we were only having one child which was somewhat of a relief since that made Amanda’s pregnancy less high risk.  When we first found out that she was pregnant, we didn’t have much baby stuff left.  We had gotten rid of a lot of our baby furniture and toys which gave us an excuse to redecorate the nursery and buy new furniture. 

I was starting to get restless sitting in bed and decided to go into the nursery for a bit. I got up, trying to move as quietly and carefully as I could so I wouldn’t wake Amanda up.  I tip-toed into the nursery and turned on the light. For each pregnancy we were careful to pick neutral items for the nursery.  We had done that this time around too, but this time it definitely had a more feminine touch.  Every time we went shopping too, I noticed that Amanda would look first at pink items and then move to more neutral ones. I didn’t know if she was sensing something or if she just really was hoping for another girl.

I was startled by a hand on my shoulder.

“What are you doing Chuck?”

Apparently I hadn’t been that careful getting out of bed. “I was having trouble sleeping and decided to look in the nursery.  It’s turned out really good!  What are you doing up?”

“I had to use the bathroom and noticed that you weren’t in bed. I came out looking for you and saw you standing here. Why don’t you come back to bed?”

I knew that unless I wanted to tell her about not being able to go back to sleep and the fact that my dream was causing it, I was going to have to go back to bed. I followed and pretended to go back to sleep, but I never did.

***

I was feeling pretty good for being eight months pregnant.  I was still able to do most things I wanted and had had a pretty uneventful pregnancy.  I was even going to be able to go to the movie premiere for the last movie I had scored. The other two occurred after the kids were born and I didn’t want to leave them that soon after them being born.  I had asked my doctor if it was okay to since I wouldn’t have to travel with the premiere being in town. I was given the green light and was excited to finally be attending one. 

As I was getting ready I thought back to the previous night and how I had caught Chuck in the nursery. Ever since we had made up after arguing when I told him I was pregnant, he had been acting funny. 

Whenever I tried to talk to him about it and ask what was wrong he would brush me off and pretend that everything was fine. I had started noticing that whenever he didn’t think I was looking at him or in the same room, he would have this sad look on his face. He was also looking very tired lately. I had even asked him if he was still worried about me and he assured me that there was nothing wrong.

I had just finished putting on my shoes when Chuck came in to the bedroom.  He stopped when he saw me.

“You look absolutely stunning.”

“You don’t look too bad yourself. I’ve never been able to resist you in a tux. We should go more places that require you to wear one.”

He pulled me in for a kiss. I didn’t know if it was my imagination but for the last month or so whenever he kissed me it seemed like there was an urgency behind it.

As we pulled apart he stroked my cheek “The limo’s outside waiting for us. Are you ready to go?”

“Yep; I can’t believe that we’re actually going to a movie premiere! After not being able to go to the last one I figured we had lost any chance of going to one.”

We walked down the stairs and stopped in the family room where the kids were.

“You all know the rules, no one comes over and don’t stay up too late.  Boys, try not to eat all the food in the fridge while we’re gone. I know how you guys like to raid the fridge when we’re not here.”

“Oh come on Mom! What if we get hungry?” Jeff asked.

“You shouldn’t be so hungry that you eat all the food in the house.  We’ll be home late since they’ll probably have an after party.”

Chuck and I walked out and headed to the limo. We climbed in and enjoyed the short ride in it.  Soon the limo was pulling up in front of the theater. As we exited the car, a bunch of flashes went off. It was almost completely blinding. A woman came over to us and escorted us over to the red carpet where we would occasionally walk down a little bit and then pose for pictures. 

We we’re about to the end of the red carpet when the unthinkable happened. I leaned over to Chuck “Honey, we need to leave…now.”

“What do you mean? We just got here.”

“My water just broke.”

“What! Are you sure?!”

“Chuck, I think after two births I know what it feels like when my water breaks.”

“But you’re only eight months!”

“Yes, I know but now isn’t the time to think about that. Now is the time to get me to the hospital.”

We discretely told the woman accompanying us that we needed to leave because I had gone into labor. To her credit, she calmly escorted us to the side of the building where a cab was called to take us to the hospital.

Once we arrived at the hospital I was put in a room and monitors were hooked up and IV’s started. Besides the fact that I was almost a month early, everything seemed to be fine.  I did notice that Chuck was acting a little nervous but he had done that during the last two births.  I laid back against a pillow and waited for our little one to be born.

***

I was a nervous wreck. This was the moment I had dreamt of for over a month. I was trying my best to not let on how nervous I was because I knew Amanda didn’t need to deal with me, she needed to concentrate on the labor and delivery.  I didn’t know if the fact that so far the labor being uneventful was a good sign or not. In my bad dreams everything had seemed fine and then all of a sudden turned horribly bad.

After a couple hours of being in labor it was time for her to push.  As the baby was being delivered I centered all my attention on Amanda and trying to help her get through the delivery. 

I had always been amazed at her strength during all of our children’s deliveries.  Soon the doctor was telling her that with one more push our baby would be born. 

With one more push our beautiful daughter  Scarlett Amanda Hobble was born. She came out crying which I took to be a good sign. I turned to look at Amanda and she smiled weakly at me.

“I’m okay, go check on our daughter.” I kissed her on the cheek and ran over to have a look at our baby girl. I was in the process of counting all of her fingers and toes when I heard the doctor.

“We need to get her into surgery, she’s losing too much blood.”

I looked over at Amanda and she was as pale as I had seen her in my dream.

No! This can’t be happening! Please God! Don’t let this be happening!

I watched them start to wheel her out of the room and I started to follow them. Just like in my dream they pushed her into a room on the left side of the hall and a nurse stayed behind for a second.

“Mr. Hobble, you can’t go in here.”

“Please just tell me what’s happening.” I begged the nurse.

“Your wife lost a lot of blood after the delivery. We’ve taken her into surgery to try to stop it. We will keep you apprised of the situation. Please return to the delivery room “ She pushed open the door and I caught a brief glimpse of several people moving Amanda from the wheeling bed to a table. The doors closed and I stood there staring at them. I started to feel dizzy and leaned against the wall for a moment. 

After several minutes I realized that I had somehow made it back to the delivery room. I was in such a state of shock I didn’t remember walking back. Inside the room was a nurse still taking measurements and cleaning off Scarlett.

I stood there staring down at our daughter praying that she would get a chance to know her mother. As I thought about the possibility of Amanda not being there to see our children grow up or not being able to grow old with her, I began to cry.

I had spent months trying to be strong for her and all those months of built up frustration, fear, and uncertainty finally escaped.  The nurse told me that Scarlett was ready and I could hold her whenever I wanted. She said to let them know if I needed anything and quietly slipped out of the room.

I dried my eyes and walked over to the basinet that Scarlett was laying in. I picked her up and held her.  She made a gurgling noise and I looked down at her. She was absolutely beautiful just like her mom...