Monday, February 24, 2014

George - Chapter One: Mister Psychologist





Thud, thud, thud, thud, thud. . .The sound of my feet hitting the pavement echoed in my ears and I couldn’t help but smile. This was my favorite time of day. I had gotten off from work and gone home to changefor my run. I almost always ran the same route which allowed me the opportunity to go past every relative’s house. As I ran down the street, I looked around at the signs of Fall that seemed to have engulfed Appaloosa Plains. I had been away from home many times and there was one thing that I had learned over the years; nothing compared to the magnificent splendor of Appaloosa in Fall. 




I started to round a corner and came closer to Uncle Jeff’s house. Sometimes he was outside and we'd wave and briefly talk while I jogged in place. I usually invited him to run with me, but he said my love for running most have come from the Davila side of the family because no Hobble family member ran, unless they were being chased. That was something Mom had always said to Dad too.  I guess that was one reason I had started taking up running; it was something Dad had loved to do and I thought doing something he loved kind of kept a bond between us.


As I came up to Uncle Jeff’s house saw him standing near his fence. He waved at me and I ran across the street so I could talk to him.



“Hey there, Doctor!” Ever since I had gotten my Ph.D. Uncle Jeff had started calling me that.



“Hey Uncle Jeff. How’s everyone doing?”




“Everyone’s doing good! Kind of crazy but that’s what happens when the kids come home to visit. Sometimes even more so than when everyone lived here.” I thought back to when my brothers and sister were all living at home. It had definitely been a crazy time. I had no idea how Mom and Dad had done it. He got a serious look on his face. “You doing okay today?” I had gotten used to people asking that over the years. It bothered my siblings but not me.



“Yeah, you know, it’s harder than other days but I’m “okay.” 



Uncle Jeff nodded and looked down at the ground. “Have you talked to your Mom today?” He asked while looking back up at me.



“No, I’ll see her later.” He nodded again and I heard my Aunt call to him from inside the house. 



“I better get going. We should all have dinner later this week!  I’ll call you sometime to find out when a good time for you is.”



I smiled and waved bye as I continued to run. I turned to go down the dirt road and started running past Mom’s house.  Uncle Jeff had lived next door to us since I could remember and in the last several years I had been really appreciative of that since it meant someone was just down the way from Mom. I got to the end of the dirt road which was almost to the edge of the river and turned to look at my childhood home. Some of my siblings couldn’t stand being near it. They said it caused them to think of Dad and it was too painful. Actually, that was the case for all of them but me.



I continued to think about my brothers and sister as I ran back to the main road. I was the only one who still lived in Appaloosa. My oldest brother Trev had gone away to college at Appaloosa State University where he was a big football star. After college he had been drafted by a pro football team and currently was a successful pro football quarterback for the Bridgeport Bucks. There were no pro teams in Appaloosa, not that he would have moved back if there were. I talked to him every once in a while but it was becoming less and less recently. I had heard several news reports that he seemed to have an attitude problem and his teammates were getting fed up with his on and off the field antics.





Then there was my other older brother, Will, Trev's twin. Will had seemed to deal with everything that happened the last several years. He'd taken the therapy that we all participated in somewhat seriously, unlike Trev. Will also went to ASU and studied literature and then immediately moved to Paradise Island after he graduated. That was one thing I had trouble understanding; why he felt the need to move there to write. He could've just as easily lived in Appaloosa and written his books, but he always went on about how being here bought up too many memories for him. He was the only one of us that had gotten married and was even going to be a dad soon.







I turned again to go towards town and the plentiful trees were replaced with buildings. As I approached town I couldn’t help but think of Charlotte. Charlotte was my twin and even though she and I shared the same birthdate, we were nothing alike. Everything she did was based on her feelings. not that heeding your feelings was a bad thing; but when all you ever did was based on how you felt and didn’t take other people’s feelings into consideration. . .it was never a good thing. That was the case with Charlotte. The day after we graduated from high school Mom and I woke up to find a note on the kitchen counter. Charlotte ran away from home and written that she couldn’t handle being in a place that constantly reminded her of dad and how she was tired of living her life the way others wanted her to. She never said where, never called, nothing. We had no idea if she was even alive. Out of all of my siblings, I was the maddest at her. She had always been selfish, but to me, what she did was almost unforgivable. Especially considering how it broke Mom’s heart.



That was probably the hardest thing that I had had to deal with after Dad died; how to get past my anger towards Charlotte. I still had moments when I thought that, if we ever found her, I would explode at her for what she had put Mom and the rest of us through.  God, just thinking about her pissed me off, and I always had to remind myself to let go of my anger and to not hold on to it. But some days, like today, it was harder to do that.



I was running through the last part of town and past my office. After high school I had also gone to ASU and studied psychology. Since I could remember, I had always liked helping people. After Dad died we all went into therapy to help deal with our grief. Mom and I took it seriously, Will kind of did, and Trev and Charlotte went through the motions; which I thought was a great testimony of how therapy helped people. You could just look at our family and tell who had taken full advantage of it.  Once I started my grief therapy, I had become even more convinced that my calling was to be a psychologist. 


After undergrad, which I completed in three years, I continued at ASU and got my Graduate degree in Psychology and then three years after that, I got my PhD in psychology from the University of Appaloosa. That was the last time that we had been together, well, accept for Charlotte, and that had been over a year ago now.


Once I had gotten my doctorate, I moved back to Appaloosa and decided to start my own practice. I had gotten some money when Dad passed away and Grandma and Grandpa Hobble had given each of us some money when we graduated high school (which I assumed was how Charlotte was able to afford running away). Between those two things and the fact that I had been saving my money since I could remember, I had enough money to put as a down payment for the office space in town. I was licensed as a counseling psychologist and I enjoyed helping anyone who seeked counseling, but I really liked helping those who were dealing with grief. I was determined that something good was going to come from Dad’s death.



As I neared the house, I started passing the family cemetery. I passed by here every day and most days I was okay passing it, but today was a little harder. I ran a little faster past it and Grandma and Grandpa’s house, I looked both ways and crossed the street and headed down my driveway and into the house.   



Once I moved back to Appaloosa, I renovated a house that was across the street from Grandma and Grandpa Hobble’s house. It was nice living so close to them. I got to go over for dinners sometimes and my cousin Charles lived there with his wife along with his dad and my aunt.


I walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower. Even though it was October and it was cool outside, I was a little sweaty from my run and I didn’t want to look bad when I went out later. Once the water heated up I jumped in the shower and for several minutes, I stood there letting the water hit me. I was always amazed at how much better taking a shower could make me feel. Most days it was the stress reliever that I needed. As I stepped out of the shower this day though, I realized that I was still feeling tight in my neck and most of the stress I had felt earlier was still there.


I sighed as I walked into the bedroom and walked into the closet. I skimmed through my suits and picked out a jacket, pants, and shirt and then walked over to the dresser to get a sweater.  I really wasn’t looking forward to going out but I had promised Mom that I would meet her.  I got dressed and grabbed my keys before walking out the door. I slowly made my way down the driveway and looked both ways before I crossed the street. I wished I was going to Grandma and Grandpa’s but instead, I headed right and made my way along the cemetery fence. As I walked through the gate, I wondered what each of my siblings were doing that day. Will and Trev would probably call Mom and me later but I wondered what Charlotte was doing. Even she couldn’t escape what day it was.



I approached the headstone and looked down at his name. Carson Alexander Davila. It seemed like it had been forever since he died and at the same time it didn’t seem like it had been nine years. Nine years today. How was it even possible? 



“He would be so proud of you.” I heard Mom say from behind me. I sadly smiled and kept looking at the headstone. She walked closer until she was standing next to me and we stood there for several minutes in silence. 



I finally broke our silence. “Have you been okay today?”



She smiled and looked at me. “Always playing psychologist. . .” She joked.  “I’ve been okay, I guess. This day is always the hardest of the year and I wish I could say it’s less painful every year, but that would be a lie. I worry more about you kids on this day, especially Charlotte.” I had to fight the urge to say anything bad about her. That was the last thing Mom needed was for me to voice my disapproval of Charlotte.





The wind lightly blew and I looked up at the leaves in the trees blowing. I closed my eyes and listened to the crinkling of the leaves and took a deep breath in. When I opened my eyes I looked over at Mom and she was actually smiling. When she saw me looking at her, she almost looked a little guilty and she hurriedly asked. “Are you ready to go?” I had caught Mom several times in the last several years with a smile on her face that I didn’t understand. I had asked her several times what she was thinking but she never shared it with me. Maybe one day she’d tell me.



“Yeah, are you?” We had agreed to meet in the cemetery and then go back to my house for dinner.



“Give me just a minute, would you?” I smiled and then walked to one of the benches to sit down. I played with my watch and glanced at it trying to occupy myself but I couldn’t help but look up and watch Mom. 




She stood in front of the headstone and I couldn’t tell if she was standing there in silence or talking. Eventually she placed some flowers down and turned to walk to where I was sitting.


I stood up. “Ready?”


She nodded and I saw her brush tears from her eyes. I put her arm through mine and we walked over to my house and into the kitchen. I had offered to make goopy carbanara since it had been one of dad's favorites, and mine.



While we ate, we talked about what each of us was up to.



“How has your practice been?” Mom asked.



“It’s been good. I’m steadily getting more patients. I like helping people but. . .”



“What is it George?”



“The people I want to help the most are the ones who don’t want it.”



She sadly smiled and nodded. “You mean Trev and Charlotte. . .?”


I nodded. I just knew that all of their problems stemmed from them not letting go of their anger and grief from when Dad died. Every time I tried to talk to Trev about it, he’d get upset and tell me to stop playing psychologist with him and to stop trying to get into his head. I was sure if I ever saw Charlotte again she’d have the same reaction.



“George, you can’t fix everyone. I mean you’ve told me that before; people can’t be helped unless they want it.”


I let out a loud sigh. I knew that; I had studied all of this stuff and had degrees in it but when it came to my own siblings, I had a hard time remembering any of it. I just wanted to shake them until they got some sense knocked into them.  I was tired of thinking about them and just wanted to change the subject.



“So how are classes and the gallery?” I asked her.

“Good. I still really enjoy teaching painting and drawing classes. The gallery is going to be putting on an art show featuring local artists’ work next month so were busy getting ready for that.” Mom had wanted to open her own gallery before Dad passed away and three years after Dad died, Mom decided to open one up in town. The Carson Davila Art Gallery was opened five years ago and Trev, Will and I had come home from college when it was opened.  I had always been so proud of how she had turned something that would have crushed some people into something positive.


“What’s that look for?” She asked.



“I was just thinking about how something so tragic as Dad’s death has been used to bring good things to others. Like me helping people with their grief and you with the art gallery that has his name…”



“You’re Dad taught me many things, but one of the biggest was that even through bad circumstances, good things could happen.” She smiled a little.


We finished up dinner and I walked Mom across the street to Grandma and Grandpa’s. She had driven there before meeting me at the cemetery and needed to get her car. 




“Thanks for eating with me and for making dinner tonight.” She said.





“You don’t have to thank me, Mom. I’m always glad to eat dinner with you. Which reminds me, Uncle Jeff wants to have dinner later this week.”


She smiled the first big smile I'd seen all day. “That should be fun. Well, I’m going to stop in and see everyone before I head home. Trev and Will called earlier and both said they would call you so, heads up.”


I nodded and then we hugged. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Okay; be careful going home.”



I chuckled. “Mom, it’s just across the street.”



She gave me a look only mothers can give their children and I bowed down to ask for forgiveness. “I’ll be careful.” 




She kissed my cheek and then walked into the house. I didn’t feel much like socializing so I went straight home. I looked at my house and thought about how Mom was always joking with me that the house had plenty of room to grow into. But I was 25 and hadn’t dated anyone seriously for over a year. There were pretty slim pickings in Appaloosa and I didn’t have a lot of hope meeting or settling down with anyone in the near future. That was okay with me though; I was happy with my career and having time to do things that I wanted. I figured I had earned that after spending eight years in college. 


I entered the house and turned on the entry way light. As I walked into the living area I tossed my keys on the dining table and was about to head to the bedroom to change my clothes when my cell phone vibrated.


I looked at the caller ID and saw that it was Will.



“Hey Will.”



“Hey there.” There was an awkward silence. Will had never been the best at communicating but it was always worse on this day.



“I just got home from having dinner with Mom.” I tried to get a conversation going.


“She told me she was eating dinner with you when I talked to her earlier.” Another long silence followed.



“How’s writing going?” I knew that he would probably talk about that.



“Good! I’m in the process of proofing another book that should be out in the next five months.”




“Five months?! Does it take that long to proof a book?”



“Well, yeah it can. It goes back and forth between me and the editor till we fix everything that needs to be fixed.”


“Oh, I didn’t know it was that complicated of a process. How’s Emily?” Another subject I knew he would talk about.




“She’s doing good. We finally found out what we’re having.”


“So. . .”


“It’s a girl.” He said and I could tell he was smiling even though I couldn’t see him.



“That’s great! Congratulations!”



“So how are you?” I was honestly shocked that he was asking.


“I’m good. Works good.”



“Are there really that many messed up people in Appaloosa?” I rolled my eyes.




“They’re not messed up people, Will. They just need some guidance and help like we did after Dad died. And yes, there are several people, even here that can benefit from counseling.”




“Oh.” That was pretty much going to be the end of the conversation since I mentioned Dad. “Well, I better get going. Emily’s craving some weird combination of chocolate ice cream and peanut butter and we don’t have either in the house. You should come visit sometime soon. Some relaxation would be good for you.”



“Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind. Thanks for calling Will.”


“Yeah, talk to you soon.”



“Bye.”



“Bye.”


We hung up and I looked at the phone for a minute. Why did all of our relationships have to be so strained.  I had seen it so many times where family relationships could be strengthened or pulled apart from stressful situations and ours had all been strained from Dad’s passing. I still had hope that things could get better but it got harder and harder as each year passed. I was about to walk into my bedroom when I felt my phone vibrate again. I smiled as I saw that it was Trev. He may have issues but he was still fun to talk to.



“Hey there Trev.”



“Hey baby bro!” He almost screamed into the phone. I could barely hear him over all the noise that was going on in the background.



“Where the hell are you?! I can barely hear you?!”



“I’m at a bar with some of my teammates.” I rolled my eyes, the last place that he needed to be was at a bar. Trev had recently gotten out of rehab and he was already back at it.



“Trev. . .Should you really be at a bar?”




 “Yeah, yeah; It’s fine. Stop playing Mr. Psychologist You’ll be glad I went to a bar tonight.” 




“Why in the world would I be happy that after spending time in rehab for drinking that you’re at a bar?!”



“God! Stop judging and listen! You’ll be glad because of who I just saw and talked to.”  I figured he was going to try to impress me by telling me that he had met some big celebrity.



I sighed. “Who did you meet?”



“I didn’t meet anyone. And it’s not a celebrity.”



I was tired of playing this game. “Just tell me who it is Trev so I can pretend to be impressed.”



He laughed. “Are you sitting down?”



“Damn it Trev! Just tell me!”



“I found Charlotte. . . “




Credits:
George's House: Pralinesims' American Family House 5