Bridgette - Chapter Nine: Leave the Door Open

As tears streamed down my face I kept running down the street. I didn’t know where I was going but I knew I had to get far away from the school. As I kept running I realized that it probably wasn’t the safest thing to be running by myself at night. I hailed a cab and told the cab driver my address. When we pulled up at the house I realized I had left my purse at the school.

“I’m sorry, but I left my purse where I was coming from. If you hold on I can run inside and get the money.”

“Don’t worry about it. You look like you’ve had a pretty rough night.” I hadn’t really thought about it but I must have looked like a mess. I had been crying and the spot where Waverly had slapped me still hurt so I probably had a red spot on my cheek.

“Thanks.” I got out of the cab and entered our gate. I didn’t want to go into the house since I knew Mom and Dad were probably still up, instead I chose to sit on one of the swings.  I sat there thinking back to what had happened that night and felt so confused. It seemed like I was on the verge of admitting that I had some feelings for Carson when all of a sudden, I chickened out. What was wrong with me? It didn’t seem like rocket science. I either had feelings for him, or I didn’t.

I was startled by the sound of someone’s voice. “Can I come in?” Carson was standing on the other side of the gate. I walked over towards the gate trying not to look at him. I was partially embarrassed by how I had acted back at the school. I opened the gate and he stepped through.

He held out my purse. “You forgot this back at the school.”

“Thanks.” I took my purse from him and continued to look down at the ground.

“The prom’s almost over and I think everyone’s heading back here. Is it okay if I stay?” I nodded and he pulled his phone out to call his parents. I walked over to the front door and put my purse and crown down on one of the tables. I popped my head in to call to my parents.

“Mom, Dad, we’re all coming back here after prom. We’ll probably hang out outside for a little bit though.”

“Okay! We’ll be going to bed soon so if you all get hungry just help yourselves to anything in the fridge!” Mom called down from upstairs.

I walked back over to Carson and he was just hanging up with his parents. We stood there in silence for several minutes. Suddenly, he gently tilted my chin up and looked at where Waverly had slapped me. With his other hand, he gently brushed my cheek and I winced. He quickly pulled back his hand and sighed. “She got you pretty good.”

“It was worth it; it meant I got under her skin.” I slightly smiled at the satisfaction it gave me.

We broke apart quickly at the sound of the limo pulling up. Everyone pilled out and walked in the gate. “Hey! Why did you all leave early?” Charlie blurted out.

“We heard Waverly hit you, are you okay Bridge?” Kate asked.

“I’m fine.” I tried to reassure them but when I looked up at them they all gasped. “I guess my face doesn’t look fine?” I kidded with them.

“I swear I’m going to beat the crap out of her the next time I see her.” Charlie angrily declared.

“Oh stop it Charlie! Let it go. How many more days of school do we have? Just don’t worry about it anymore. And Bridge, maybe you should take the same advice.” Kate suggested.

I looked down at the ground and thought about what had happened between Waverly and me, and then between Carson and me. I looked up at Carson and he was looking down at me, when our eyes met we quickly looked away.  As I looked away from Carson I caught a glimpse of Julia looking at us and she spoke up. “Hey, why don’t we go down to the basement and play some pool?”

“That sounds like a great idea. Last one there has to set up the balls!”

Trent started running toward the house. Carson and I continued to stand there watching everyone else go into the house. I knew one thing, I didn’t want anyone spying on us from the house so I started walking towards the barn.

As we entered the barn I walked over to Rainbow’s stall and started to pet her. As she nuzzled my hand, Carson walked up behind me. “Bridge, we need to talk; about what’s going on between the two of us.”

I turned around and looked at him. I knew he was right but I was scared that he was the one insisting since in the past I had been the one to start these conversations. “I thought I was the one who was supposed to start these conversations.” I joked with him. But instead of smiling, he continued to have a serious look on his face.

“Bridge. . .”

“Why do we keep having this conversation Carson? Why can’t this be simple like Kate and Charlie’s relationship? Why are we so complicated? It’s like we go round and round in circles and we always do the same thing.” We started hearing laughter and I wondered if the others were coming back outside.

“Is there somewhere else we can talk where we won’t get interrupted?”

There was only one place that I could think of and it was the apartment above the stables. I grabbed his hand and led him up the stairs. I opened the door and locked it after he entered. “I didn’t know this was up here.”

“We don’t use this very much. Sometimes when family stays over Mom and Dad will kick Charlie and Jeff out of their room and have them sleep here. But that hasn’t happened very often. It’s mostly used for if one of the horses is about to give birth or is sick. Dad will sleep here if that happens.” I couldn’t stop babbling. I was so scared about the conversation I knew we were about to have that I thought if I kept talking, he wouldn’t be able to continue.

“Bridge, what’s going on? You’re babbling; and you don’t do that.”

“I just don’t know any more Carson! I don’t know what to think, how to feel, how you feel, what I should do; I have no idea what is happening! And for me, that’s scary. I hate not being in control of how I feel or a situation and that’s exactly what’s happening!” I had started to sob; it was like a dam had been opened. “Like when we were dancing together, I went from one moment thinking about our friendship to then realizing that my feelings for you have changed. I don’t know in what way but they’re not the same as they were at the beginning of this year! Then moments later,  I’d go back to thinking about what a great friend you are. I’m just so confused.”

I was weeping by that point. He rushed over to me and before I could object, he kissed me.

******

I didn’t know how else to get her to stop. I had never seen her this flustered. Sure Bridge had a tendency to be dramatic sometimes, but this wasn’t about being dramatic. I could tell that she was really in agony over what was happening. As I pulled away from kissing her I held her face and looked into her eyes. I fully expected her to get angry at me for kissing her but she instead just stood there looking back at me. Something had definitely changed with her.

I dropped my hands and turned away, walking to the other side of the room. I needed time to process what was happening.

“Why are you walking away Carson?”

I bit down on my lip. “Because I’m just a confused as you are Bridge. I don’t know what to think right now.”

“Then how do we fix this?”

“We’re going to have to do something that neither of us seem to be very good at, talking about how we feel about each other honestly.”

“I’m willing to if you are.” I nodded and we stood there for several minutes in silence. Neither of us wanted to go first, I suppose scared of what the other might say. I was about to say something when she spoke.

“I’m. . .confused. That’s the best way I can explain it. Are my feelings for you the same as they were this summer? No. I can honestly say that. But how much they’ve changed or in what specific way, I can’t answer that, at least not without guessing. You know me Carson, I haven’t really dated anyone before so I don’t know if I would know what those feelings would feel like. Maybe I think too much about feelings. I’ve always assumed that if I had feelings for someone I would immediately know it. With you, it hasn’t been that way. It’s been more of a creeping in feeling than in instantaneous feeling.”

“But you think you might have feelings for me? I’m confused by what you’re telling me.”

“I’m scared Carson. I’m afraid that once we start going down a different road that things are forever going to change and our friendship will forever be lost.”

“Can I tell you how I feel?” She nodded and looked down at the floor. “What happened between Waverly and me took a toll on me. I know it’s been four weeks since she and I broke up but to say what she did hasn’t had a lasting effect on me would be a flat out lie. I just don’t think, at this moment, that I could get into a relationship with anyone. I need some time to put some distance between what happened and starting a new relationship.” She nodded and looked a little disappointed. “Having said that; Bridge, you know I’ve had feelings for you for a while now and that hasn’t changed.  You’re scared, I’ve just come out of a bad relationship; maybe we can agree to leave the door open to the possibility of our relationship growing. Take things slowly and continue to talk about how we are feeling. I know that’s not a very concrete answer but maybe that’s best for both of us right now.” I prayed that she would be okay with my suggestion. The last thing I wanted to do was to push Bridge away, but I really believed we both needed time to sort out our feelings.

She looked up at me and gave me a little smile. “I can live with that for now.”

I let out a big sigh and smiled. “Do you think we should go join everyone else?”

“We probably should. They’re probably wondering where we are and what’s going on.” She walked over to the door and unlocked it. We walked back down the stairs and heard what sounded like everyone outside. We walked out of the barn and saw everyone sitting in front of the outside TV.

“There you guys are! We’re getting ready to watch “Napoleon Dynamite.” Come on!” Trent called us over. I looked at Bridge and she reached down and grabbed my hand. As we walked over to the others holding hands, it felt like a new chapter had begun for Bridge and I.