George - Chapter Fifteen: A Constant Voice

I've pretty much stopped giving language warnings, but half of this chapter is from Trev's point of view and he is a fan of very colorful language. Just wanted to warn readers in case it offends some people. :)

****Trev****

I was aware that I was surrounded by a blinding white light.  That was all I knew. I didn’t remember anything before that. There was no noise, just this really annoying light everywhere.

“What the hell!” I complained as I circled around staring into. . .the same God damn white light. “Hello? Is anyone there? What the hell is going on?!”

I heard a noise behind me and I turned around. “Hello? Who’s there?” I squinted, and for a moment I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me. The light seemed to dim slightly and in front of me was a blank screen. “I don’t know what stupid ass trick someone’s pulling on me but it’s not fucking  funny.” At that very second the screen flickered on. There was no picture, just more white. “Damn it! Charlotte? George? Are you guys playing a trick on me?” I asked as I turned to look behind me but there was still a blinding light surrounding me. The only thing visible was the screen. 

I heard a crackle and turned around. The screen came to life with what looked like a waterfall and I instantly recognized it. It was Cinnamon Crest Falls back in Appaloosa.

“What the. . .” The image on the screen fast forwarded through town till it arrived at Mom’s house. But it looked different. The bushes weren’t as big as they are now and the house overall looked newer. I watched as the image fast forwarded again as it went through the front door and up the stairs, eventually turning into what was now the music room. But what I saw when the door opened wasn’t musical instruments, it was a nursery and my heart stopped beating when I saw who was in there.

Dad. He was standing by the windows with his back to me. “DAD!!!” I called out to him but he didn’t turn around. “DAAAD!!” 

He turned a little but didn’t turn completely around. I could tell then that he was holding something, but I couldn’t quite make it out. It was then that I realized that I was now in the nursery.

“How the hell. . .?” I turned around and saw a screen but this time it was showing the place with the blinding white light. It was like I had traveled through the screen into the nursery. I was baffled how that had happened but I was more interested in the fact that I was now in the same place that Dad was. “DAD!!”

He still didn’t turn around but I heard him say something. “So, what do you think, Trev? You think we’ll play a couple of football games in the yard someday?”

“What?! What the hell are you talking about?!”

He turned completely around and looked at what he was holding. “Maybe you’ll even play high school ball like your old man.” I watched as the boy looked up at Dad and smiled. 

“This is fucking insane!” I yelled as I watched Dad continue to talk and play with me as a toddler. “I must have drunk too much last night.” I closed my eyes and tried to pinch myself, hoping that when I opened my eyes that I would be lying in my bed. 

I slowly opened my eyes and grunted at what I saw. “UGH!!! Not again!!!” I was back where the blinding white light was. The screen in front of me fast forwarded again through some things with Dad and me but I didn’t remember them . I eventually did start recognizing things though. The time dad and I played catch at the falls, Dad and me fishing during one of our vacations, Dad and me entering the pie eating contest. . .it all flashed across the screen and I watched as I got bigger and he got older.

Suddenly the screen went blank again. I looked around confused, wondering why it had stopped. “Hello?” I heard another crackling noise and looked at the screen. 
 

This time I saw beautiful blue water and sand and I again instantly knew where I was; Paradise Island. I watched as the screen fast forwarded to an area of the island that I had tried to forget, the house we had stayed in during our last family vacation.

I watched as the picture blurred as it traveled quickly through the island until it reached the beach that we had gone to on our last day of vacation. I saw all of us, Mom, Dad, Willie, Charlotte, and George. . .I felt a little pang of guilt as I watched George. We still hadn’t talked since I blew up at him at the club. I turned my attention back to Dad and noticed that he was walking over to the teenage me.  As the picture got closer and closer to where Dad and the younger me were standing, I realized that I was once again on the other side of the screen. I could actually feel the heat radiating from the sun and up from the sand.

“Hey Trev, you got a minute?” I heard Dad ask the younger me.

“Sure, what’s up?” I heard myself say. Had my voice really sounded like that back then? I thought I would have sounded more, manly. . .

“I just wanted to continue our talk that we had the other day.”

“Which one?”

“You know the one about girls. . .”

“Really, Dad. You know how uncool this is about to become, right?”

I watched as he rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, I know, but sometimes even I have to do the uncool thing.”

“Look, Dad, I know how babies are made and I know that I should use protection so you don’t have to worry.”

“I kind of know that since I’m the one who told you about that stuff. . . or at least was one of the people.”

“Right.” There was an uncomfortable silence and I watched as both of us looked around as neither one of us knew what to say. As I watched them I was trying to remember this conversation. I remembered going to that beach but I had no memory of this conversation happening.

“Look, I’m glad you know all that stuff, and I’m not dumb enough to believe that you’re never going to have sex, but there’s one thing that’s been bothering me after our conversation the other day.”

“What’s that?”

“I know, as a guy, it can be tempting to sample all that popularity has to offer. Like I’ve told you before, I don’t expect you to be perfect. . .”

“”You mean like George?” I heard myself joke and I almost laughed at myself; that was so something I would say but then I looked at Dad and he had a look on his face that I had hardly ever seen. It was the look he got when he was disappointed.

“Trev, there are very few things that you kids could do that will disappoint me. One is what you just did. I’m all for giving people a hard time in a joking way, but if you knew how what you just said would hurt George, I would hope that you wouldn’t say it.” I looked over at teenage me and I was hanging my head. I now remembered this conversation and I was beginning to figure out why I had tried to forget it.

“Sorry, Dad. I didn’t mean it in that way.”

“I know, but like I said, stuff like that really hurts George. He can’t help who he is, just like you can’t help who you are.” I thought back to the night at the club when I had yelled at George.  “You’re always watching me, judging me!!  Always shoving it in people’s faces that you’re Mr. Perfect, Mr. Goody-two-shoes.”  The words I spoke to him that night rang through my ears and I felt my heart sink as I realized that I had done one of the very things that Dad said would disappoint him. 

“One of the other things that would disappoint me has to do with what we started off talking about.”

“Me having sex would disappoint you?” I wanted to smack my stupid teenage self. Had I really been so stupid back then? I couldn’t exactly remember what Dad was about to say but even now I knew it wasn’t that.

“No, you mentioned the other day that you possibly had several girls who were interested in you, which is nice. . .and tempting. And if you progress in football; in college, and who knows where, I hope through your life that you’ll keep in mind that as tempting as woman, sex, money, all of the things that come with fame are, they will never give you the happiness that most people yearn for.”

“What does?” I heard my younger version ask and I watched as Dad looked around at the rest of the family on the beach.

“That’s something that everyone has to decide for themselves, Trev; but for me it’s you kids, and your Mom.  Some people it’s devoting their life to a worthy cause, others is by helping people.” I looked over at the teen version of George. 

“My point is, Trev, that no matter what happens in your life, don’t lose sight of who you are and what drives you.”

I couldn’t remember what I thought or felt at that moment as a teenager after listening to Dad, but as an adult right now it felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. I closed my eyes and wished that I was anywhere but that moment. I slowly became aware that I couldn’t feel the heat from the sun or hear the waves anymore. When I opened my eyes I was standing back in front of the screen. The stupid blank screen.

“What is this?! Why is this happening?!” I cried out in agony. None of this made sense and all I wanted was to wake up in my own bed; instead I was stuck in this white light hell. 

I sat down on the floor and put my head in my hands.  I wasn’t the type of person who cried very often, but sitting there and not knowing what was happening, why it was happening, or how long it would last was almost pushing me to the point of tears. I was about to lose it when I heard the screen crackle again and I slowly looked up at it.

 

I once again immediately recognized what I was being shown. It was the family cemetery back home. I looked at the five of us sitting across from Dad’s coffin. This was the last thing I wanted to see. 

I stood up and I turned around trying to walk away from that memory. I didn’t care if I was walking into the bright white light and I couldn’t see where I was going. Anything had to be better than this. As I walked I noticed that where I was walking was bright, but I never made it into the light. What kind of bullshit is this? I turned around and my jaw hit the ground. I was no further from the screen then when I started walking and the same image was still there.

“Oh my fucking God!!! What kind of bullshit is this!!! Let me out of here!!!” I walked over to the screen and started beating on it. As hard as I was hitting it, there should have been at least a loud banging noise, but there was nothing. I banged and banged and banged but there was nothing.  I banged one last time with both of my hands and then whirled around. I didn’t care what the screen was going to show me, I didn’t want to watch anymore.

 

“You hear that?! I’m done!!! I’m not watching anymore!!!” I heard a noise behind me but resisted the urge to turn around. “I don’t care! Not looking!!”

Then I heard myself speak through the screen.

“A couple months ago, we took a trip to Paradise Island.” I had just relived those moments and I didn’t want to have to remember them again but my voice from the screen continued on.

“I was standing on the beach with Dad and we were having one of our “father/son talks.” We had those quite often and I’m sure any of my siblings would admit to having them with dad too.” I remembered that all three of them had nodded. 

“I think this one will stick in my mind the most though since it was the last one we had. What was always the underlying theme in all the talks we had was to be true to yourself. Be who you are no matter what anyone else thinks about you, and no matter what life throws at you; if you do that, you’ll be okay.” I rolled my eyes. Uncle Charlie and I had already rehashed this less than a week ago . I didn’t need to listen to this to remind me. 

“I think his and Mom’s relationship and marriage was a testament to that. They never sacrificed who they were for each other but instead loved each other for who they were.  That’s the legacy he leaves behind.”  I straightened up a little thinking that I was done. I hadn’t remembered saying anything else so I was completely surprised by the last little bit.  

“We’ll miss you Dad, but we’ll be true to ourselves and carry on your legacy.” I froze. Once again, I wouldn’t have remembered saying those words, but after hearing them I very much remembered them. We’ll be true to ourselves and carry on your legacy. . . I looked down at the floor and closed my eyes. 

I had made that promise over nine years ago and now, nine years later I was struck with such a feeling of remorse and embarrassment. I knew I hadn’t done what I had promised, but I had my reasons. Living without him for nine years, trying to forget the void that was there every day from him not being there, trying to drown the pain that I had felt for nine years. . .

“Damn it! It’s not fair!! What the hell is the point of this?! To make me feel guilty?! Well that’s just fucking bullshit!!!!” I screamed as I whirled around to face the screen. I opened my mouth to yell some more, but instead I was left speechless by what I saw next. The family was sitting in their seats and I saw a white figure standing behind mom. There was originally too much light to make the figure out, but as the moments went by, the figure came more and more into focus; and as it did, I started backing away. 

Standing there behind Mom was Dad dressed all in white, almost radiating light. He had a hand on Mom’s shoulder and then he looked over at us kids sitting next to her.

“This can’t be. . .Now I know I’m dreaming. . .I know for a fact that Dad wasn’t there” I turned around and had every intention of running away but I found that my path was blocked. . .

After a moment of staring at him in disbelief I started to feel the anger rise up in me. “You’re not really here! This isn’t really you; and if you had been around this whole time I would have known it.” He stood there, looking sad but didn’t say a word.  Instead, I heard the screen make it’s crackling sound and I looked at it again. I saw the moment when I was in college and we won the championship. I was in the locker room and I had felt a hand on my shoulder but when I had turned around, there was no one there. The next image was the first night I had run into Charlotte. I had been sitting at a table with my teammates with my back turned away from the bar when I had sworn I felt a hand on my shoulder, once again when I turned around, there was no one there. But right as I started to turn my head back around I had caught sight of what I thought was a cute blonde server that turned out to be Charlotte.

The screen went blank again and I slowly turned around to see if he was still standing there. Not only was he still there, he was smirking and I couldn’t help but think how much I had missed seeing that smirk of his.

“So what if this really is you? And what if you’ve really been ‘around’? Is that supposed to make up for the fact that you’re not here anymore? Supposed to make up for the fact that for the rest of my life you’re not in it?”

His smirk turned to a very serious expression and he walked up to me and glared at me only the way that Dad could. I could put up with Mom’s glares but I could never handle it when Dad did. I tried to stare him down but just like every other time I eventually looked away and at the ground.

“God, I really must have drunk some bad stuff last night.” I said trying to rationalize all that had happened, all that I had seen. I glanced back up at Dad and he had the same disappointing look he had given me when I had made fun of George at the beach.

“What?! You think it’s been easy?! You think I haven’t tried?! One second you were here and the next you were gone! You were supposed to be there for me! Watch me win the championship in college, your college! You were supposed to celebrate with me when I got drafted! You were supposed to be there to help me when I did get tempted by the fame, money, women; all the things you warned me about! None of this would have happened if you were still here!!!” I yelled at him but his expression didn’t change.

“What the hell do you want me to do?! What the hell has this been about?! Stop fucking around and just tell me!!!”  The second I said the last part I regretted it. He looked at me with an anger I had never seen him show. He got inches from me and glared angrily at me.

I lowered my head and immediately apologized. “I’m sorry.” He backed slowly away and went back to looking disappointed.

 

“Don’t look at me like that.” I pleaded. “What am I supposed to do? What do you want?” I asked and then I heard my own voice echoing through the space.

We’ll miss you Dad, but we’ll be true to ourselves and carry on your legacy.

I looked at him confused. “You want me to carry on your legacy? Aren’t I doing that by playing football?”

He skeptically looked at me and I again heard my voice.

We’ll miss you Dad, but we’ll be true to ourselves and carry on your legacy.

I was dumfounded. “I heard it the first time, Dad. I still don’t get it.”

I heard what sounded like my voice again, but this time part of it was muffled and all I heard clearly was,

. . .we’ll be true to ourselves. . .

 

“Haven’t I done that?” I asked him and he raised an eyebrow at me. “Seriously Dad, I’m the way I am because it’s me.” This time he lifted an eyebrow and tilted his head.

. . .we’ll be true to ourselves. . .

I heard it again. . .

. . .we’ll be true to ourselves. . .

And again. . .

. . .we’ll be true to ourselves. . .

I turned around and yelled. “Where is that coming from?”

. . .we’ll be true to ourselves. . .

“Can’t you make it stop?” I said as I looked back down at where Dad had been standing but he wasn’t there. I turned around in a circle looking for him but all I could see now was white light everywhere.

“Dad?”

. . .we’ll be true to ourselves. . .

“Dad? Where are you?”

. . .we’ll be true to ourselves. . .

“DAD!!!!”

In an instant I was sitting up in bed screaming for Dad. My heart was beating so fast and so hard that I swore it was going to come out of my chest. I was drenched with sweat and I realized that I was about to hurl. I ran to the bathroom and made it just in time to spill the contents of my stomach in the toilet. I did it over and over again until I felt so shaky that I had to sit leaning against the bathroom wall. No matter how many times I tried to open and close my eyes, the room kept spinning around and around.  I wished that I could get up and get another drink, even if all it would do was knock me out but I couldn’t even crawl to the bathroom door, let alone to anywhere I had any liquor.

. . .we’ll be true to ourselves. . .

I heard my own voice in my head and I started to scream. “SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!” All I wanted was to escape that nightmare I had just had. If only I could just get a drink. . .

. . .we’ll be true to ourselves. . .

I started to cry and put my hands up to cover my ears. “Please make it stop.” I pleaded as I laid down on the bathroom floor, weeping and begging for relief.

****George****

It had been almost a week since Trev and I had talked to each other; and every time I thought about our exchange at the club I would feel emotions that ranged from anger to incredibly hurt. I had woken up the next morning in Charlotte’s apartment and immediately wished that I wasn’t alone, which was an odd thought for me to have. In situations like that I always wanted to be alone to gather my thoughts and to really think about what I was feeling; but not that morning. 

I don’t know what I would have done after the incident at the club if it hadn’t been for Steph. She had been so understanding and so supportive. Her ability to get me out of my head had really helped me from dwelling on what Trev had said to me.  But right now, sitting in my office after my last patient had left, I was thinking about what Trev had said and wondered if maybe I needed to stop helping people, at least those who didn’t seem to want it.

My phone ringing snapped me out of my thoughts and I was happy to see who it was.

“What, no text asking if I’m available to talk?” I joked with her.

“I figured I’d stop being stubborn and believe you.” She kidded back. “How’s your day been?”

I shrugged. “Well, my first morning appointment was someone who is afraid of water. Poor Mrs. Greene offered them a cup of water. . .”

“Ooo, that couldn’t have been good.”

“No, it wasn’t.”

“How do they clean themselves?”

“Well, sometimes they’re okay taking sponge baths, but some are so afraid of water that they can’t even do that.”

“Oh. . .”

“And then my day ended with a patient who spent their time telling me how their brother was ruining their life.”

“Oh George, I’m sorry.”

I sighed. “It was at least interesting to hear a different perspective on it. How has your day been?”

“Well. . .”

“I know it’s been better than mine.”

“I did have the day off so it wasn’t horrible.” She hinted and I chuckled.

“I can’t wait till this weekend. I haven’t been back there on a weekend that you haven’t worked.”

“I know. What should we do?”

I could think of several things that we could do but was interrupted by the sound of someone beeping in. I looked at my phone and saw Trev’s number. I was tempted to just ignore him and keep talking to Steph but I knew that I wouldn’t be able to concentrate on our conversation if I did.

“Hey Steph, Trev’s calling.”

“Oh, well then I’ll let you go. Call me later.” She said and before I could tell her bye she had hung up.

I switched over to Trev’s call and wasn’t quite sure what to say so I started with something simple. “Hi Trev.”

 

“George. . .?” He said my name and then I heard what sounded like him getting sick. “George. . .?” He said again after he finished.

“Yeah, Trev.  . .are you okay?” I heard him get sick several more times before he started talking again. 

“Please George, make it stop.”

“Make what stop? You getting sick?”

I then heard something that I had only heard once before, soon after Dad had passed away; I heard Trev crying. “Make it stop. . .I can’t take it anymore. The voice. Please make it stop”

I couldn’t understand what he was saying. Was there someone at the apartment with him? Was he actually hearing voices in his head?

“Please George, I need your help.”

I grabbed my stuff. “I’m leaving now, Trev. I’m calling Charlotte to come help you until I get there. I’ll be there as fast as I can.” 

“Thank you.” He said in between sobs.

I hung up and walked out to the waiting area and was thankful that Mrs. Greene was still there. “Mrs. Greene, can you cancel my appointments for tomorrow. I need to leave for Bridgeport a day early. It’s kind of a family emergency.”

“I will. Do you want me to reschedule them for Monday?”

“Sure, that’s fine. Thank you.” I said as I rushed out the front door and called Charlotte.

“Hey George.”

“Charlotte, I need for you to go to Trev’s apartment. He just called me and asked me to come there but it will take me several hours to get there. He needs someone to make sure he’s okay.”

“I’m on my way.”

“And Charlotte, he’s in bad shape so just prepare yourself. You might want Ethan to go with you if he’s available.”

“Okay.”

We hung up and I drove home in record time. I ran into the house and shoved some clothes and toiletries into a bag and then I called Mom who was still staying at Will and Emily’s.

“Hi George. How was your day?”

I sighed and prayed that Mom wasn’t about to freak out. “Trev just called and I’m on my way to Bridgeport. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but he’s actually asked for help.”

“You go and fill me in later.”

“Thanks Mom.” I was beyond relieved that she was handling it better than I thought she would.

I was about to text Uncle Charlie when my phone rang; it was Steph. “Is everything okay?” She asked as soon as I picked up.

“Trev was calling to ask for my help. He’s getting sick and complaining about hearing voices. . .I don’t know, maybe it’s alcohol induced or maybe there’s something else going on. Either way, I’m getting things together to head there. Charlotte and hopefully Ethan are there with him by now.”

“I’ll let you go then. Whenever you get a chance, call and let me know what’s going on.”

“I will.”

“Be careful driving.”

We hung up and I made sure the cats had food and water and then texted Uncle Charlie telling him what was going on and asking if someone could look after the cats while I was gone and then I got in my car and started the drive to the city.  It was times like this that I wished that Appaloosa was closer to the city. It normally took me a little over five hours to drive there and as I drove I knew that this was going to feel much longer than five hours.

I pulled up to Trev’s apartment building at around ten, four hours after I left Appaloosa. I had never driven that fast to the city. I quickly handed over the keys to the valet and ran into the lobby. I didn’t even have to tell the doorman who I was; before I could run up to the front desk he was opening the elevator door and I very impatiently rode it to Trev’s level. When the door finally opened I rushed out and looked down the hallway and into the living room. “Charlotte?”

“We’re up here!” I climbed the stairs to Trev’s room and immediately noticed all the empty bottles laying around. Ethan was standing outside the bathroom door and looked over at me as I walked over to the door.

“How is he?” I asked him.

“He stopped getting sick about a half an hour after we got here, but he has refused to move until you got here. He keeps complaining about hearing a voice. Every time Charlotte has suggested that he move, he’s curled up into a ball and refused to go anywhere until you got here.

I nodded and knocked on the door. I heard movement from the other side and the door opened. Charlotte looked exhausted and after my conversation with Trev earlier and what Ethan had just told me, I could understand why. “Why don’t you go sit down and I’ll sit with him.”

She shook her head. “We should at least try to clean up the mess.”

“George?!” I heard Trev yell from behind Charlotte. I walked past her and for a moment, I froze. There in front of me was my older, much stronger brother, sitting on his bathroom floor looking like a sickened, helpless child. I had seen patients look like this, but I never would have guessed that one day I’d see Trev like this. He had darker circles under his eyes and looked so weak as he sat there with his hands over his ears and his eyes shut.

I didn’t know what I should do; should I act like the caring brother or the detached but understanding psychologist. I wasn’t sure if I could do the later right now, not with Trev in this kind of a condition. Whatever the case, I just needed to get over it and help Trev in any way I could.

I knelt down beside him. “It’s me Trev.”

“Thank God!! You have to get this voice to stop!” I was really concerned with this voice he was talking about. He was past the normal age range for men to show signs of schizophrenia. It wasn’t unheard of but not very common. 

“What voice are you talking about?” I asked him trying to ask him like I would one of my patients.

“My voice! It just keeps repeating the same thing over and over!”

Now I was becoming more concerned. “You’re hearing your own voice?” I asked him calmly and he nodded. “What is your voice saying to you?”

“’We’ll be true to ourselves.’ Over and over and over again! Please make it stop, I’m begging you!”

I was relieved that the voice wasn’t telling him to do anything harmful to himself or others but I was even more baffled by what he had told me.

“Trev,” I paused before I asked the next question, knowing that if I asked it the wrong way, he could take it the wrong way and go ballistic. “I’m trying to understand why you started hearing this voice. We’re you drinking when you started to hear it?” He shook his head. “What were you doing when it started?”

“Sleeping, at least I think I was, maybe I was dead. . .Dad was there and there was a bright light and then I heard myself start repeating  ‘we’ll be true to ourselves’ over and over again.”

He must have been hallucinating; that was the only conclusion I could come up with. Sometimes people hallucinated after consuming too much alcohol and sometimes during withdrawal. He was still sitting there with his hands over his ears and with his eyes closed and I noticed that he was starting to sweat a little.

“Trev, can you hold out one of your hands for me. He quickly held out his hand and then hurriedly placed it back over his ear. It was just long enough for me to see that it was shaking though.  

“Please, George! Make it stop.”

“I honestly don’t know how to make the voice stop, Trev. It should eventually stop but I can’t tell you how long.”

“How do you know it will stop?”

“Because I believe that you’re suffering from withdrawal.”

“Can you give me something for it?”

“No Trev. I’m not a psychiatrist so I can’t prescribe or give you anything.”

“Then how do I get over it?”

I struggled with what I should tell him. I could only give him one of the three options, the one I wanted him to choose, the one that the brother in me wanted him to do. But the psychologist part of me knew that if he was going to have any chance at getting better and staying that way, he needed to know all the options and choose for himself. He was never going to get better if he didn’t choose to.

“I’m going to be perfectly honest with you Trev, you could do one of three things. Two of which require you getting help. One I can’t really recommend as a doctor, but it’s always an option.”

“What is it?”

“You could just keep drinking and try to make the withdrawal symptoms go away.”  I watched as he retched and then leaned over the toilet to get sick. In a way I was glad; it seemed that the thought of drinking again made him feel sick to his stomach.

When he was done, he looked at me. “What are the other two options?”

“One is that we take you to a hospital and they help you with the symptoms of the withdrawal and monitor you as you go through it. You at least need to do this, some of the symptoms you’re exhibiting have me concerned and I think we need to take you somewhere.” I held my breath as I got ready to tell him the other option. “The last option is that you check yourself into a treatment center where they’ll help you through the withdrawal and as you know, they’ll help you afterward with rehabilitation. The choice is yours.”

“I tried rehab, twice, and it didn’t work.”

“Can I ask you a question though?” He nodded. “Did you give it all you had or did you go through the motions?” 

He looked at the floor and then got a pained expression on his face. He once again put his hands over his ears and closed his eyes. “Shut the fuck up!!” He yelled.

“Are you hearing the voice again?” 

“Yes! Damn it! I can’t take this anymore!” I watched as he started to cry and I put a hand on his shoulder. He opened his eyes and I once again saw tears in them. “Will you take me?” He asked almost in a whisper.

I nodded. “Sure Trev, I’ll take you to the hospital.” I started to stand up but he stopped me. “No, I don’t ever want to hear this voice again. If that means going somewhere besides a hospital, I’m going.”

I knelt there staring at him in disbelief. Had he really said he wanted to go to rehab, and on his own, no one forcing him? “We’ll need to go to the hospital first, to make sure you’re okay. Then we can go somewhere else.” He nodded but I wanted to make sure. “Are you sure, Trev?”

He nodded and I sprang into action. I wasn’t going to ask twice. I knew that there was a possibility that he could change his mind later, maybe a day or two or perhaps a month down the road, but at that moment he genuinely seemed to want to go to rehab.

“Charlotte, can you go sit with him for a moment?” She nodded and went into the bathroom. I got my phone out and started making phone calls. On my way into the city I had called a college friend of mine that worked in a well-known and well respected rehabilitation center outside the city. The last two times Trev had gone into rehab he had checked into a place that I would never suggest to a patient. They were lax about the rehabilitation aspect of treatment. I talked again to my college friend and he informed me that he had talked to the administrators of the facility and they had agreed to take Trev in for treatment. He had even set up transport from the hospital to the facility after Trev was more stable. I didn’t know how to thank him and told him I owed him big time.

I next called for an ambulance. Trev was in bad shape and I didn’t want to take the chance that something would happen when we were taking him to the hospital.  While I stayed on the line, I asked Ethan to pack some of Trev’s stuff. I wasn’t too worried about packing a ton since one of us could always take him more things later. The paramedics soon arrived and after making sure Trev was stable enough, they placed him in the ambulance and I rode with him to the hospital. Charlotte and Ethan followed behind in Ethan’s car and sat in the waiting room as I stayed with Trev as they did some assessments and ran some test. He eventually stopped hearing the voice and became very irritable with the hospital staff poking and prodding him.  After what felt like forever, they finally admitted him overnight and placed him in a room. I rushed down to the waiting room and expected to just see Ethan and Charlotte. As I pushed the door open though, I noticed that Steph was also sitting there. The three of them jumped up as I walked over to them. 

“He’s in a room. He’s very hostile right now but he’s at least not hearing things anymore. He’ll stay here overnight for observation and then, if he still wants to in the morning, he’ll go to the rehab facility.”

“Do you think he’ll go through with it?” Charlotte asked.

I shrugged. “I honestly don’t know. He seemed serious about it back at the apartment but who knows what he’ll decide later.”

“If he goes there, will we be able to see him?”

I shook my head. “No, at least not at the beginning. They may eventually ask family to come to help with the counseling further into treatment but that won’t be for several weeks. I’ll go with him tomorrow, if he still wants to go. He made me promise him that I would go with.”

“Can we go see him?”

“He really needs to rest.” She gave me a pleading look. “If you really want to see him, go quickly and don’t stay more than 10 minutes. He needs to rest.” She and Ethan started to walk away. “Charlotte?” She turned around. “Just remember that he’s not happy right now.” She nodded and they continued on their way.

I looked at Steph and she looked worried. “Are you okay?”

I shook my head. “I just need to help him get through this next day and then I’ll think about how I am.” She nodded and reached down to hold my hand. “I didn’t expect you to be here.” I admitted.

She looked seriously at me. “You’re here for Trev, I’m here for you.” I reached up to stroke her cheek and then kissed her. There was no way that she could have possibly known how much I appreciated her being there. 

“Are you going to stay here with him?” She asked me.

I nodded. “Hopefully they’ll release him by mid-afternoon and he’ll be transported to the rehab facility.”

She nodded and squeezed my hand. “I’ll let you get back up there. Will you call me at some point; let me know what’s going on?”

“I will.” She smiled and kissed me before she turned around to walk away but I grabbed her arm before she could leave. “Steph?” She turned around and I took several steps toward her. I placed her hands in mine and looked into her eyes. “Thank you.”

She smiled. “Anytime.” She whispered and kissed me again. “Tell Charlotte I’ll talk to her later.” I nodded and watched as she walked out of the waiting area. I headed back up to Trev’s room hoping and praying that he wouldn’t change his mind in the next several hours.